The Last House on Cemetery Lane (2015) Review
- Viktoria
- Jun 9
- 4 min read
Director: Andrew Jones
Year of release: 2015
Country of origin: United Kingdom
Spoiler status: Light spoilers
Genre: Supernatural horror
I should've trusted IMDb on The Last House on Cemetery Lane. Usually, when a movie has a low rating on there, it's a great indication that the movie's going to be terribly good. But this time I messed up. I saw the 3.3 rating and thought that I'm in for a treat, but in reality, I had to sit through an hour and a half of boring dialogues that led to nothing, and listen to the horror scores that kept playing nonstop. I wish I could say that at least the acting was good, but I pride myself on writing honest reviews. It feels as if they tried to make something deep, focusing too much on the emotions and thoughts of the main character, and in the process, they forgot that they were making a horror movie.
The Last House on Cemetery Lane is great if you want to waste an hour and a half of your life, plus an additional 15 minutes complaining about the fact that you're never getting back that time. Turn around while you can. Just take your remote and type in a different title. Thank me later.
The plot of The Last House on Cemetery Lane
John Davies (Lee Bane), a screenwriter, decides to rent an old manor house in West Wales because he's experiencing writer's block. When he arrives at his destination, he learns from Mrs. Connelly (Tessa Wood), the realtor, that he has to share the house with an old woman who lives on the third floor, but is rarely seen. A fact that wasn't mentioned in the listing. The movie turns awkward very quickly, and I'd say it's mostly the actors' fault. At times, it felt as if they were trying too hard to say their lines right, which took away from the authenticity of the experience. They didn't live their role. They were purely performing. And even though the acting was completely off, I still had some hope for the plot. I really shouldn't have.
Throughout the movie, details seemed to be carefully placed, only to be completely forgotten about later. When someone mentions a cemetery in the title of the movie, one expects it to have something to do with the plot. Spoiler: it doesn't. Another such detail is the blindness of the old woman, which was mentioned by the realtor early on. I was expecting that to be an important plot device. It wasn't. The nightmares John had? Mostly rubbish. The characters shown in the dream had nothing to do with the whole story. They weren't mentioned once. I also have to point out that the movie's IMDb description mentions him being haunted by malevolent spirits. Which malevolent spirits? Where? Can the malevolent spirit raise its hand, please?
The Last House on Cemetery Lane has more than a few big flaws. Unexplained plot holes and faulty logic are only the tip of the iceberg. I understand that indie movies don't have the budget to create visual spectacles or hire A-list celebrities, but in all honesty, none of those are really needed to make a good horror movie. This has been proven time and time again, especially in the last few weeks with Obsession. All you need is a good story and a few talented people.
Is The Last House on Cemetery Lane scary?
This movie is as bleak as it can be. All the horror elements that make a supernatural horror movie great somehow worked against this one. Dark corners and scenes that are filled with shadows usually instill dread. Here? Here it made me feel frustrated, because I couldn't see what was happening in all that darkness. Was someone being assaulted by "malevolent ghosts"? Or perhaps murdered? I really couldn't tell you, it was too dark to see. And don't get me started on the constant horror scores playing in the background.
Horror movies pride themselves on using a mix of silence and horror scores to elevate the feeling of dread in the audience. It's a tool people in the industry have been using for ages to manipulate feelings. But everything has its limits. Sometimes, using less is more, and using more is devastating. Unfortunately, in this case, it's the latter. Silence was used in the wrong scenes, making them feel heavy in an awkward way, while horror scores were overused and turned almost annoying.
While watching a horror movie, the placement of certain elements seems easy, almost logical. It's important to note that one needs incredible taste and feeling for these things to achieve the desired effect. Sadly, Andrew Jones didn't get this memo.
Should you watch The Last House on Cemetery Lane?
No. I cannot, in good conscience, recommend this movie to anyone. Usually, when I see a movie with a low score on IMDb, I'm certain that it wasn't deserved. Some of the best movies I've watched had bad ratings on there. This one? It doesn't belong on that list. Bad lighting, even worse acting, wrong timing for the scores, inconsistent logic throughout the plot... It pains me to say this, but there's not one redeeming quality I can find about it to lighten the tone of my review. Which brings me to the next part of this article.
Rating: 🕯️
I don't think I have to explain this rating. Just do yourself a favor and find something else to watch; you can thank me later.
If, for some reason, you still want to check out the trailer, you can find it below.
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